"Good Vibes Only"
Control wrapped in a bow
There’s a certain kind of heartbreak that hits when you realize someone isn’t actually listening to you. They're performing listening at you. Nod. Smile. Parrot back a few phrases they picked up from their last leadership retreat or Eckhart Tolle meme. Maybe toss in a “just reflecting this back to you,” followed by a TikTok-worthy breath and a pearl of unsolicited pseudo-wisdom.
It’s “growth-minded” cosplay masquerading as compassion. And it’s everywhere.
This is especially true in the healthcare world, which, ironically, is often where some of the most emotionally unwell dynamics are hiding in plain sight. Wrapped in smiles, “inclusive” branding, and curated vulnerability. Because what better way to avoid the uncomfortable parts of being human than with a #goodvibesonly.
Spiritual Bypassing: Namaste Over the Problem
Spiritual bypassing is the art of avoiding emotional reality under the guise of spiritual maturity. You’ll know it when you see it:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Your pain is just your ego resisting the lesson.”
“Don’t focus on the negative. Manifest better.”
At first glance, it sounds helpful. Encouraging, even. But let’s call a spade a spade: it's a well-dressed form of denial. It’s a refusal to engage with the full human experience. Grief, anger, despair, discomfort. All rebranded as "enlightenment."
This isn’t growth. It’s suppression masked in sage and lavender.
When Narcissism Goes New Age
Spiritual bypassing often pairs beautifully with covert narcissism.
Because what better shield for ego than claiming “higher consciousness”? What better way to deflect feedback than by framing yourself as the awakened one, and the other person as “unregulated” or “projecting?”
It’s a perfect system. One where the narcissist always gets to be the teacher. The guru. The calm, centered “mirror” reflecting back your unhealed wounds. (How generous of them!)
And if you call it out? You’re “not ready.” You’re “resisting the medicine.” You’re “too attached to your side of the story.”
It’s a masterclass in deflection.
“Positive Vibes Only” is Emotional Avoidance with a Smile
Look, I’m all for joy, peace, and “high frequencies.” But the human experience is a full spectrum event. Denying half of it doesn’t make you spiritual, it just makes you inaccessible.
The truth is, some of the most spiritually evolved people I’ve met are the ones willing to sit in the mud with you. No timeline. No diagnosis. No bypass.
Just presence.
They don’t need to “fix” your energy. They don’t need to intellectualize your grief. They just stay. And that’s the kind of compassion that actually heals.
Why This Hurts So Much
Here’s why this kind of fake compassion hits harder than overt conflict: it mimics care.
It uses the language of therapy and spiritual growth, but only to create distance—not connection. It creates confusion. You walk away from the interaction feeling like you did something wrong. Like you’re too sensitive. Too negative. Too much.
It’s psychological sleight-of-hand. And it erodes trust.
Real empathy isn’t always elegant. Sometimes it’s messy, clumsy, awkward. But it’s honest. It doesn’t need a script, a perfectly-crafted AI email response, or a mantra. It doesn’t need to look good. It just shows up.
So What Does Real Support Look Like?
It listens more than it labels.
It honors anger and grief as sacred, not shameful.
It doesn’t pathologize discomfort or turn every emotion into a lesson or fluoxetine prescription.
It holds space without needing to narrate or control the story.
And most importantly: it makes room for all of you—-not just the parts that are easy to digest.
In Closing: Let’s Retire the Vibe Police
If you’ve been on the receiving end of toxic positivity, you’re not imagining it. If someone’s compassion feels more like control, trust that instinct.
And if you’ve accidentally found yourself using this language (hey, same), welcome to the club. It’s not about shame. It’s about coming back to what’s real and authentic. Being human is hard. It’s beautiful. It’s a total fucking mess. But that’s where the magic is. Not in curating our experience into a digestible performance, but in letting the raw truth be seen, held, and honored.
So here’s to full-spectrum living. To crying during breathwork and laughing during grief. To nuance. To presence. To the courage to be real, even when it’s not pretty.
You can keep your good vibes. I’ll take the good humans.