Peace, Love, and Shut-Down?
Cracking open the shell of Boomer mental health
The Greatest Generation, The Silent Generation, Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z, and now Gen Alpha. Each group has its own set of characteristics, and each has faced different societal expectations and challenges. As a child of two Baby Boomers, it has fascinated me to work though the drastic differences in how our generations process trauma and mental health concerns.
The world they grew up in was vastly different from today. Post-World War II prosperity, the Cold War, the rise of television, the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights Movement, and groundbreaking technological advancements all shaped their formative years. These experiences forged a generation known for its ambition, strong work ethic, and resilience.
However, some common perceptions and challenges have emerged regarding this generation, particularly concerning emotional expression, vulnerability, and self-reflection. While it's essential to avoid generalizations, as every individual is unique, societal norms of their upbringing often discouraged overt emotional displays, particularly for men. "Stiff upper lip" and "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" were common refrains. This stoicism, while perhaps admirable in some contexts, could also contribute to a reluctance to discuss feelings, admit weaknesses, or engage in deep self-analysis.
Furthermore, the rapid pace of change they witnessed may have fostered a sense of needing to be constantly in control and self-sufficient. The idea of seeking help or admitting a struggle might have been perceived as a sign of weakness rather than a healthy act of self-care.
But underneath any generational façade, humans are humans. We all crave connection, understanding, and the ability to be truly seen. For many Baby Boomers, the societal scripts they were given might have made it harder to access and express these fundamental human needs.
It's a nuanced topic, and approaching it with compassion, a touch of humor, and a down-to-earth perspective can help bridge some of these generational divides.
The Boomer Vault: Why Cracking The Code Can Be Tough…But Also Worthwhile
Boomers. You know ‘em, you love ‘em, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had at least one conversation with them that felt like trying to extract a deeply held secret from a very polite, but equally impenetrable, bank vault. You know… vulnerability, self-reflection, and the art of… well, opening up.
Now, before anyone gets their sensible walking shoes in a twist, this isn’t a Boomer bash. Far from it. This is a compassionate, slightly irreverent, and hopefully insightful look at why a generation that gave us rock and roll, personal computers, and arguably the best darn casseroles known to humankind, sometimes struggles with emotional depth.
The Myth of the Stoic Superstar
The world the Boomers grew up in was less "Oprah’s couch" and more "Mad Men’s boardroom." Feelings? Those were for folk songs, not family dinners. Therapy? That was something only people who had really gone off the rails did, probably involving an authoritative doctor and a dimly lit room. The prevailing wisdom was a hearty dose of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps!" Which, to be fair, is a fantastic metaphor for self-reliance, but not so great for exploring why your bootlaces are consistently tangled.
Imagine being taught that showing emotion was a sign of weakness. That admitting you were struggling was tantamount to admitting you’d failed. You were raised in a world where appearing put together mattered more than actually being put together. A world where a stiff upper lip was practically a national anthem. And let’s not forget the sheer amount of upheaval they lived through: the Cold War, Vietnam, rapid technological change. They were built for resilience, for getting things done, for soldiering on. Vulnerability was just… not on the job description.
The Comedy of Errors: From "Are You Okay?" to "I'm Fine!"
This often leads to some truly hilarious (sometimes frustrating) interactions.
You: "Hey Dad, how are you really doing after… you know… the big thing?" Dad (eyes glued to the news): "I’m fine. Pass the remote."
Or:
You: "Mom, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with work right now." Mom: "Well, you know, when I was your age, I was juggling three jobs, raising a family, and knitting my own sweaters. Toughen up. Have you eaten?"
Bless their hearts. It’s not that they don’t care. They care deeply! They just express it in a language that’s more "I baked you a lasagna" than "Let’s dissect your childhood trauma." Their love language often involves practical help, unsolicited advice, and a deep-seated desire for you to simply be okay. Because if you’re okay, then they’ve done their job. And admitting they aren't okay might feel like admitting they haven't quite nailed the whole "adulting" thing, even after all these decades.
Cracking the Code: Why It Matters
So, why does this matter? Because vulnerability is the cornerstone of genuine connection. Self-reflection is how we grow. And opening up, even a little bit, is how we prevent those emotional vaults from getting so rusty they seize up forever.
It’s tough to ask a generation to suddenly rewire decades of ingrained behavior. But here’s what we can do:
Lead by Example: Show them what vulnerability looks like. Share your struggles…appropriately, of course. Let them see that it’s not weakness, but strength.
Speak Their Language: Start with the practical. "Are you eating enough?" can sometimes open the door to "Are you feeling lonely?" Eventually. Maybe.
Patience, My Friend, Patience: This isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. Or, more accurately, a slow, deliberate excavation of deeply buried feelings.
Appreciate the Small Victories: Did they admit they were "a bit tired" instead of "fine"? Celebrate that tiny crack in the emotional armor. It’s progress!
Remember Their Good Intentions: They truly believe they're protecting you, or simply handling things themselves because that's what they've always done. It comes from a place of love, even if it’s a love that occasionally communicates in cryptic grunts and sighs.
The Power of the "Remember When?": Sometimes, a shared memory can be a gateway. Talking about a difficult time in the past can gently nudge them towards reflecting on how they felt during that time.
Ultimately, our Boomer parents and grandparents are amazing, complex individuals who navigated a world vastly different from our own. While they might not be signing up for group therapy sessions anytime soon, a little understanding, a lot of patience, and a willingness to meet them where they are can help us all connect on a deeper, more authentic level. And who knows, maybe one day, they’ll even tell us what they really thought of disco. Now that’s a vault I’d like to crack open.